“Respecting, Listening, and the God-Given Tattoo”  5^th Commandment- Honor your parents 7/24/11 Dt. 5:16; Eph. 6:1-4

     I have tried to tell my children to watch out for tattoos, because you might regret them later.  The old truth is that a biker was showing off his tattoos and it had “Rosie Forever” on it.  Then you could tell he had crossed Rosie out and put “Connie” with “forever’ after it.  Then he had Connie crossed out and had “Betsy” but then he also crossed out the word “forever.”  But each of us has a God-given mark upon us- a tattoo that links us to another person forever- our navel- our belly button.  Some have outies and some innies- but it is always a reminder to us that we have been born of another.  We are not clones, or machines.  We are made to be dependent on another person to nurture us.  God makes us dependent in part, I think, to foster within us an attitude of gratitude and love. 

            I. RESPECTING- The word “honor” here literally means “to make heavy” or “to give more weight to.”  We still have two phrases we use that help us understand this.  “They carry a lot of weight around here” or “don’t take them too lightly.”  It means to pay attention to them, listening, caring for them.  In general, we owe those who cared for us when we were unable to care for ourselves more respect than we do any others.  There is no command to respect  our friends, or those who will do things with us or for us as much as this command.  We are called to respect all people as made in the image of God and someone for whom potentially Christ died.  But it is hard to love your neighbor while neglecting your parents.  Most religions have respect for parents tied to respect for God (Plato, Aristotle, Christ said it was an important command to the rich young ruler (Mk. 10), Seneca, Confucius, Buddha, Mohamed).  However, in our day, Sigmund Freud- who admittedly did not like his parents, has had great influence.  Freud’s idea of therapy was in many ways to analyze the past and blame our problems on our parents and our unhealthy relationship to them.  Freud said that inside of all boys is the Oedipus complex where we wish to kill our father and marry our mother; inside of girls is the electra complex where they want to kill our mother and marry their father.  But we do not have to be controlled by such evil tendencies.  2 Tim. 3:1 speaks of a rebellion against parents in the last days.  It is an evil thing when we cannot appreciate those who have sacrificed for us.  The idea of “Don’t trust anyone over thirty” comes back to haunt you when you are 29.   Most of those who said that in the 60’s wonder why their children won’t respect them.  In Sweden there are laws about divorcing parents.  There are emancipation laws here too.  Many want to be free of their parents, but they still want to be able to eat, drive, have air conditioning in the summer.  Just yesterday two thirteen year olds ran away from home.  But they stole $6,000 from their parents and stole a truck.  After a chase, they ran their truck into a tree.  There is always a part of each of us that wants to take the benefits of our parents and runaway from the rest.  There is a natural tendency inside of us, the scriptures say, to rebel- against parents, against authority, and against God.  These rebellions are related.  If we rebel against our parents then we are not likely to listen to our teachers in school or our employers at work, or government.  Calvin says that God has established people over us for our good.  All those in authority over us, are to be treated with reverence, obedience, and gratitude.  So this command applies not just to those with living fathers or even good fathers.  It applies to all people. 

            II. REVERBERATING- LISTENING to the echoes of the ages.  Today we have lots of information, but we have not a lot of wisdom.  Wisdom is taking knowledge and crystallizing it so that life makes sense.  We have a lot of trivia and details available from Wikipedia to google searches.  If you want to know anything- directions, history, how it works – all you have to do is type in a google search today.  But google and Wikipedia and the government- as helpful as they are- will not tell you the meaning of life.  As a general principle, Google, Wikipedia, the government and your facebook friends will never love you as much as your parents. 

            What do you do with bad parents?  I am still trying to find the perfect parent.  I haven’t found them yet.  They are not found in the church, nor among the wealthy, nor among the most popular.  In our days, we are so consumed with the purchase of things for our children that we work to the neglect of our children.  Our houses are bigger- we have more cars, but we have quadrupled the divorce rate and neglected our children.  45% of divorced fathers do not touch base with their children even once a year. Divorce makes the idea of honoring parents more complicated.  Should Cinderella honor her wicked step-mother?  The movie reminds us that God looks out for those who still respect those over us. 
     There is a sense in which we are called to respect the office of father and mother- their place- more than those who fulfill that office.  So all of you republicans are called to respect the office of the president even if you did not vote for Obama. And when there is a republican in office, and if you are a democrat, you are called to respect the office of the president even if you disagree with them. 
       Ephesians balances this respect for parents with something else.  It is almost as if Paul recognized how very hard it is to sometime honor parents.  Ephesians says we should honor them “in the Lord.”  This could mean in the Lord’s power.  It could mean in the Lord’s way.  Like honor them except when they command you not to go to worship.  But the next verse also balances it out- for it says, “Fathers do not exasperate your children, but instead bring them up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord.”   That is a question we ask in baptism- will you bring your child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Taking your children to vacation bible school or Sunday School and youth group as priorities is important.  We do not promise to take them to dance, to baseball, to football, to hunting- but we do promise to raise them up in the Lord.  Children need God.  When the tough times come in life, it is not sports and entertainment that will see them through- but their faith in God.  Sports has its place- entertainment has its place.  But God is pre-eminent over all.  Colossians (3:20,21) says children obey your parents for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged.”  In other words- honor your parents, but parents remember to be honorable!      

            III. REWARD- Ephesians says this is the only command with a promise.  It is also the only positive command out of the ten. There are two promises to this command.  They are promises about quantity and quality of life.
 QUANTITY- “That you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”  What a great promise!  Do you want to know the secret to a long and happy life?  It tells you in this positive command.   It is just a general principle- that when family relationships are going well, individuals go better, and society goes well.  If you want to make the world a better place, then each generation must listen to each other. 
      Sociologists point out that most social problems in America can be directly traced back to fatherless homes. Two-thirds of convicted rapists, three-fourths of adolescent murderers and three-fourths of long term prison inmates grew up without a father in the house. A recent (1996) Gallup poll revealed that 79% of Americans agree with this statement: "The most significant family or social problem facing America is the physical absence of the father from the home." 91% said that "It is important for children to live in a home with both their mother and father." And yet, half of America’s children live apart from one or both of their parents.
     This past week, in our own community- off Pet Sites Rd. a man killed a woman and their two year old child and then himself after firing on deputies.  There is no excuse for that.  There is no moral rationale.  It is a visible lesson of the opposite of this command.  Scripture calls us to love one another, be patient with each other.
     Respectful children will, in general, live longer lives. That is why Proverbs 4:10-13 says, "Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many. . . . Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life." Proverbs 6:20-23 adds, "My son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching ... For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light, and the corrections of discipline are the way to life."

     QUALITY- But there is also a promise of quality life- “that it may go well with you.”  A strong family structure that includes honoring parents leads to not only length of life but enjoyment of life as well.  I believe, in general- there are exceptions these days as too many parents neglect their children.  O love your parents and have your parents love you is one of the greatest inheritances and confidence builders in life.  To love your parents even when you suspect that they may not love you is a Christ-like thing.  When you show respect toward others it leads to others respecting you. 
     In a culture that increasingly values material things over people with eternal souls, abortion for economic convenience and euthanasia because of a growing elderly population will increasingly be rationalized. In Oregon, Washington, and Montana it is already legal.  Jack Kevorkian, the doctor of death, was one of the least popular and most abhorred figures when he was arrested for actively killing older adults who had lost hope. 60% of those he killed were not terminally ill and in at least 13 cases they were in no pain.  When Kevorkian died last month, I heard many eulogize him as a brave hero.  Our ideal should not be to kill our elderly when they lose their driver’s licenses or become sad.  A culture’s strength or weakness is shown in how it treats its most vulnerable- its children and its elderly.  It is a sad thing to grow old and be dependent on others, when we value our self-reliance, productivity and our things so much.  Perhaps the ethic should be not to prolongue life artificially, but also it should not be to actively harm others who are still living.
     Once there was a little old man. His eyes were clouded and his hands trembled; when he ate he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed his mouth with the spoon as often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and his son's wife didn't like the arrangement. "I can't have this," she said. "It interferes with my happiness." So she and her husband took the old man gently but firmly by the arm and led him to the corner of the kitchen. There they set him on a stool and gave him his food in an earthenware bowl. From then on he always ate in the corner, glancing back at the table with wistful eyes. One day his hands trembled more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke. "If you are a pig," said the daughter-in-law, "you must eat out of a trough." So they made him a little wooden trough and he got his meals in that. These people had a four-year-old son of whom they were very fond. One evening the young man noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of wood and asked what he was doing. "I'm making a trough," he said, smiling for approval, "to feed you and Mom out of when I get big." The man and his wife looked at each other for a while and didn't say anything. They then went to the corner and took the old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on nobody ever scolded when he clattered or spilled or broke things.     The greatest society is made when we sacrificially love our neighbor.  The closest neighbors we have are parents and children.  God puts us together in the miracle of birth, and our response should be to love each other despite our differences, and to honor those who have given us the great gift of life and care.